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    Seeking help and prayers

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    Drew.Rub

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    Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Drew.Rub on August 7th 2013, 4:47 pm

    I'm not one to air a lot of my "dirty laundry", but I am also one who knows that I can't do a lot of things on my own. It's with a very humble heart then that I come to the CGC community and confess something and ask for prayers.

    Starting Friday, I am beginning to seek professional counseling for a combination of depression and dealing with a "short fused temper" (not exactly sure how else to put it). I admit that there is something wrong with me, but I don't know the root cause of it. It's manifested itself over time, growing deep within me and causing me strife.

    I'm very good on putting up a happy front to the business world in my dealings with clients, co-workers, fellow church members, and close friends. Unfortunately, when I get home, that happy front disappears, and I tend to let frustrations out on the only one available to me; my wife.

    Please understand that I have not, nor do I ever expect to, physically harm her in any fashion. Unfortunately, my words and attitudes in response to what I see as even the slightest criticism, are unchristian and certainly undeserving. I tend to jump to an aggressively defensive verbal tone whenever I think I've been criticized, and in any conversations tend to disregard her viewpoint and opinion and defend mine quite vigorously.

    This attitude has, of course, emotionally hurt my wife, and we've grown somewhat apart because of this. I hadn't known (or at least hadn't acknowledged) why, although I knew we were growing apart. I had begun to feel Danielle wasn't attracted to me w/o realizing I was the one pushing her away from me. This past weekend, Danielle admitted that my attitude was hurting her, and that others were beginning to notice it as well.

    I swore to her when we got married that I wouldn't hurt her, but I hadn't realized that I had been doing just that. Needless to say, I've been ashamed of myself, and I know that I am not currently the man, the leader, nor the husband that God designed me to be.

    I'm asking my fellow believers in the CGC community to please pray for me, and for God's wisdom to be put on the counselor that I'll be meeting with. I pray, and would ask that you also pray, that whatever unresolved issue it is that I have be brought to light so that I can turn it over to God and learn to deal with and correct it. I don't want my wife to be afraid of me.

    Rohelf

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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Rohelf on August 8th 2013, 6:59 pm

    I'll definitely pray for you and Danielle. Unfortunately, I have known something of what it's like to be in her situation, but I don't say that in any attempt to heap further guilt on you. I say it because I personally would have taken hope and comfort in knowing that the other person in the relationship honestly recognized the problem and was sincerely working to fix it, as you are. Even though it will probably be a lengthy process with some slip-backs, it would help me keep supporting the other side of the relationship to know that he knows and he's trying. I hope that encourages you.

    Paeter
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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Paeter on August 8th 2013, 8:27 pm

    I will definitely pray for you, Drew. It's a big deal that you're seeking a skilled perspective on this. Our pastor calls it "renting a friend". You're seeking truth in regards to your understanding of yourself and I believe God will reward that.

    I'll pray that you are connected with the right professional with both knowledge and wisdom. I'll pray for Danielle as well, and for you both to grow in your capacity for grace toward each other on the bumpy road ahead.

    Please let us know if we can be of any further support or encouragement for you and update us as you see fit. We'll look forward to seeing God move in the situation.

    Hang in there.


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    DNArington

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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  DNArington on August 9th 2013, 9:14 am

    I wanted to come up with something encouraging, but then I realized God is a lot better at that than me so I am just going to say remember to trust in The Lord and to lean on him and I will leave off with this:

    I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
    - Psalm 18:1-2

    Drew.Rub

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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Drew.Rub on August 16th 2013, 5:00 pm

    I had my second session with a professional today. We agree that I'm making good steps to dealing with and correcting my interactions with my wife. I've decided, and am working actively, to make sure that I am, as a friend put it, dying to my own needs for hers.

    For me, this includes making sure that I tell her multiple times a day that I love her, and actively asking her what I can do to help her out or if there's anything I can do for her. At the end of each day, I also check and make sure that I've done something to show her that I love her.

    Plus I'm taking my time to think about what I am saying and how I'm saying it, to avoid any potential misunderstanding.

    But we've also discussed the underlying problem; I have never fully dealt with grieving the loss of both of my parents between 2009 and 2010. Despite thinking I've dealt with it and have been able to move on, the hurt and loss is still there and I've never really fully faced it.

    It's going to be slow going for me, but this is what I'm dealing with. I would ask that you continue to pray for strength for me. The loss is still very great, and the hurt is worse than I had originally admitted.

    Drew.Rub

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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Drew.Rub on August 16th 2013, 5:01 pm

    DNArington wrote:I wanted to come up with something encouraging, but then I realized God is a lot better at that than me so I am just going to say remember to trust in The Lord and to lean on him and I will leave off with this:

    I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
    - Psalm 18:1-2
    Thanks for that. I do love that verse a lot. I sometimes forget to let God be my rock.

    Paeter
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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Paeter on August 16th 2013, 7:05 pm

    Thank you for the update, Drew. I will be praying for you.


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    Drew.Rub

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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Drew.Rub on August 18th 2013, 5:39 am

    And I am praying for you and your wife as well.

    Nathan James Norman
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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Nathan James Norman on August 18th 2013, 8:41 pm

    Certainly praying for you.

    And I want to thank you... and publicly thank God for you.

    We all have struggles. And far too often within Christian communities we try and pretend that we don't. We hide our sin and strife and struggle... which only intensifies the problem. Far too often we believers feel like we have to look perfect, and when we're not . . . others judge us for it.

    Therefore, I praise God for your honesty. I praise God that you are asking others for prayer. I praise God that you are seeking wise counsel. If the Church could do what you have just done on this forum, the people of God would love each other more, and experience more spiritual healing.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I'm praying that the Lord Jesus Christ strengthens you and your family in all things.

    Paeter
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    Re: Seeking help and prayers

    Post  Paeter on August 19th 2013, 2:51 pm

    Ditto on all of that Nathan. May we all embrace grace enough to gain the strength for transparency.


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