not as perfect as I thought

Okay, so I never really thought I was perfect, but I was starting to feel like I was getting pretty good at this Christian thing.
Then, this morning, a person who shall remain nameless, but I highly doubt any of you have ever heard of, came up in conversation.
I despise this person. Just hearing her name puts me in a bad mood, and it is a fairly common name.
...
That isn't really where I think I should be.
So, I'm going to try to include this person in my prayers, and not in the 'change this person' kind of way, but praying for what is best for them.
I think I could really use some intercession on this one guys and gals. See those points of ellipses up there? Those are in place of all the despicable things I wanted to say. This isn't just a 'me and so and so have issues', this is a 'I've got a real problem in my soul' kind of thing.
I say this from the cerebral side of my being, as my feelings are, even now, trying to justify or minimize my flaws. If you'd pray for the softening of my heart, especially in this respect, I'd appreciate it.

Praying for you Mikel. That God would allow you, maybe only in solitude, to allow your anger or defensiveness toward this person to break into tears.

I know that "learning to cry" in the presence of Jesus has been a big deal for me. As men we're told not to cry, that it's a sign of weakness. But there is a time for letting go and literally weeping as we really set denial aside and confront the ugliness of our sin and all the wrong places we go to establish our identity and worth. And I think we can only do that with a firm trust in the grace and unrelenting forgiveness of Jesus, without which our sin is just too horrible to really, fully contemplate.

So I'm praying that you'll have a broken moment like that, and then many more after.

Thanks for your willingness to share this here.