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    being a mentor


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    being a mentor

    Post  Rickster on July 7th 2015, 1:13 am

    A couple of years ago i felt like God wanted me to be a mentor for my cousin's son Jordan what i had planned never happened and i soon forgot about it. well on the 4th i was talking to my aunt and she was telling me how the only man in his life does nothing but work and play video games all day and how Jordan really needs a man in his life. So im concidering trying to be a mentor to him but i have know idea how to be a mentor and how to be a man in his life when i have a hard time thinking of myself as a man or even what that means. Any advice

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    Re: being a mentor

    Post  mikel.withers on July 7th 2015, 10:36 am

    1: don't fall into diet Coke, I hear mentors and diet Coke don't get along well.
    2: just dude up... you don't have to be a manly man to be a good male role model. If the kid likes football and baseball and fishing and camping and so forth, then maybe take him to a game or two or camp out (even backyard can be fun) even it that means learning how to set up a tent via youtube videos. Sometimes kids just don't like that kind of thing, and maybe it'll be better to go to a local stage production instead... any way it goes down, just be there and show interest in what he likes.
    3: try something off the wall... Lacrosse and rugby are gaining popularity, look for a local club and watch a game with him there (again, youtube can teach you enough to make it sound like you know what you are talking about) maybe he'll find something he'd be interested in trying out... either way, follow it up with eating out->
    4: speaking of which -Eat together. This is a basic human interaction that we don't do enough of these days. If he is picky, stick with his favorite fast food joint, if not, maybe try something new for both of you. You could even turn it into a learning experience by letting him cook some burgers or steaks on a grill, give him some "man" skills like that.
    5: model good behavior. Everything from holding doors for women to watching your language. If he looks up to you it will make an impression on him.

    These are just things that I've done in some degree with my son based on local stuff, you'll know your area better than I would. Don't overdo it, don't try too hard, just show there is a different way than what he normally sees.

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    Re: being a mentor

    Post  mindspike on July 7th 2015, 9:52 pm

    I've spent the past five years as a den leader for my son's Cub Scout pack. My den was fairly large, and I had a number of boys with single moms and a few who lived with grandparents. To them, I was an authority figure, a teacher, a mentor, someone to be emulated. I was Akela. No pressure, right? The one thing I discovered with these boys is that they don't really need a friend. They have friends. They don't need a provider; they have providers. They needed me to be a model.

    Boys have teachers to give them information. That was part of my job, but it was really only incidental. Teaching the outdoors stuff was really cool, but it was the core values that they needed. A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, CLEAN, and reverent. Anyone who deals with little boys understand that second CLEAN. Smile I taught them to recite that, but I had to show them what it means. A trustworthy scout does as he promises. I made promises to the boys and to the other parents just so the boys could watch see them fulfilled. A cheerful scout shows a good attitude even when he loses an important Pinewood Derby race. A courteous scout speaks politely and calls adults by their title; I routinely addressed the other parents and Mr. and Mrs./Miss. A reverent scout salutes the flag and considers his duty to God.

    I didn't try to discipline the boys. It's not my place. But I informed them that I was watching them. Always. When I caught them misbehaving, I asked them why a scout would behave that way. I overheard more than one of them stop their friends from acting up because "Mr. Winston is watching."

    I barely saw most of these boys outside of scouting events. But I was there every week. If you want to actively mentor a boy, do this:
    * be a reliable presence in his life on a regular basis
    * follow through with your statements and values
    * admit mistakes and don't make excuses

    This is not a relationship of equals. You are not his friend. Not yet. When he is an adult, then he will be your friend. Until then, you are only an example, a model of behavior that will define his idea of what a man should be.

    No pressure. Smile

    -Winston Crutchfield
    "The rational mind is dangerous; the Christian mind is devastating."
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